


Only know you love her

by Writing_in_silence



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/F, Her losses, Hitch's POV, Mentions of Mikasa Ackerman - Freeform, Out of my league, Regrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-01
Updated: 2014-05-01
Packaged: 2018-01-21 12:51:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1551137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writing_in_silence/pseuds/Writing_in_silence
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Hitch-centric fic about her losses and how she realises things a little too late.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Only know you love her

**Author's Note:**

> I have this headcanon that Hitch isn't one to understand the concept of love very well, and when she does realise that she loves an individual, that is when she loses them.

Only know you love her when you let her go

 

Too late...she realises everything when it's too late. She realises that she holds these people close to her after she had lost them. She wondered if there will be a time when she will be able to hold that person close to her. 

The first time she had realised it was when she already faced the rubble that was her home, she recalled running to the ruins, looking for the mother and child that took her in, she wanted to be proven wrong...

...she needed to be proven wrong. She wanted to see the toddler's smile as she trots towards her, this time she won't ignore the child, she would promise to be that child's older sister. Her hands trembled as she moved the stones that made up the foundation of the home she shared with people who picked her up in her darkest days. 

She wanted to apologise, to the mother, to the child, wanted to tell them how much she appreciated their care for her, she blinked back the tears that threatened to fall.

She had so much to apologise for...

A sob broke through, hands clasped around the cold ones of the person she now referred to as mother, she kept mumbling apologies, begging for them to come back, that she will make everything better.

She had wished that this was a dream and she will soon wake to the smiling faces she had grown accustomed to

But wishes were rarely fulfilled in this world.

She told herself that the next time someone holds her dear, she will hold them close to her as soon as she feels it.

Five years passed, she has entered the military to ensure her own safety, putting up a mask to protect herself from people that would take advantage of her emotions.

Her new roommate is someone she loved pestering, the little reactions she receives is worth her day, she likes the feeling she gets when she sees a hint of a smile on the girl's lips. She likes the way those blonde tresses just fan out in her sleep and be all over the place as soon as she wakes up, the way her roommate rubs the sleep from her eyes and yawns in the most adorable manner. She can't help but smile at the way said roommate fixes her hair to a messy bun.

In her eyes, Annie is perfect in every way.

There was this want to talk to her in a manner similar to that of friends, but how can she approach someone who's on a whole different level than her? She chose to keep her distance, pretend like she's someone that should be hated. Besides, Annie belonged to someone already, that girl with the red scarf. A perfect match, she said one time over coffee with Marlo. Perhaps her friend had guessed, he was a smart man, but as smart as he was, he chose to not tell her that she was jealous. Perhaps, he wanted her to realise it herself.

She had forgotten what she told herself back then.

And she was late once again.

She denied it this time, she denied that it was Annie that she saw in the crystal-like thing, she had the gist that Annie was that titan that fell. When she returned to her room that night, she has no idea why, but she sat on the bottom bunk and waited.

Waiting to hear the familiar footfalls, that apology she always hears when Annie steps in. She did not know why, but her heart felt heavy, there was something indiscernible that kept nagging her.

She decided to bury the feeling, drifting off to sleep.

She woke up to find out that she will be detained along with the rest of the squad, under the assumption that they helped the traitor.

There was that feeling again, she swallowed the lump in her throat, mentally berating herself that she should not get worked up, she should leave the bursts of anger to Marlo.

That scouting legion member...Kenji, she presumed, told them about what really happened.

She was gone...

She did not know what happened next, she moved only because it was required for her to move, she found no reason to do much. She's merely breathing.

Days passed, and she found her again.

She knew that she had no right to be here, Annie was never hers, but the realisation that she fell for someone who was always by her side struck her as hard as that time she found her family's corpses. With trembling hands, fingers brushed against the cold, crystalline surface, she remembered this feeling.

She regretted not being able to tell her what she needed to say. Just like back then. She took a step closer, tears ran down her features as she leaned her forehead to the crystal. 

She apologised, repeating the words to someone who might not hear her. She slowly got to her knees, embracing herself as the sobs wracked through her body.

She wanted to say that she hated Annie, but there was nothing to hate in the woman who held as many secrets and hurts as much as she does.  
But Annie was never hers to begin with. She was just a spectator, watching the woman she unconsciously loved in the arms of another. She wanted to tell her how much she loved her.

She was always too late to realise the things she holds dear.


End file.
